2 Years Without Alcohol

My journey to following my inner knowing

It’s been two years since I’ve had a sip of alcohol. Overlooking a breathtaking cliffside edge of the Mediterranean Sea, I unknowingly took my last sip.

To arrive at this exact moment, I flew from New Jersey to the islands of Greece to spend a few days with my favorite fitness coach, Lindsey Harrod. While I had traveled solo before, my adventures involved short flights throughout Europe while studying abroad in London.

This time, at the age of 26, I had traveled over 12 hours to meet someone whose workout classes I’d been taking virtually for the last two years. I spent more money on travel than I ever did before, splurging on a five-star resort hotel. On top of that, I was the youngest of the group and one out of two girls who had come on the retreat alone.

At this point, my last drink was in February- a glass of organic red wine with a home-cooked meal. In the following months, the desire for the occasional glass of wine drifted further outside my consciousness. I gave up hard liquor months before, cursing the way it morphed my mind into mush.

In Greece, Lindsey chose a wine tasting as one of the two retreat excursions- a tasting of Santorini-grown and produced wine, set up with one of the most beautiful backdrops you have ever seen.

For a few days, I wavered back and forth between sitting the tasting out and joining the rest of the group. I knew I didn’t want to drink as I no longer felt enjoyment from the feeling that alcohol gave me.

Listening to the subtle voice in the back of my head (which I can now identify as the monkey mind), I kept hearing, “When in Greece!”. “Don’t you want to say you’ve tasted Greek wine?”. “You’ve come all this way to be on this retreat. Do the activities!”.

While I’ve always been pretty good at staying true to my desires, I let the monkey mind influence me. I signed up for the wine tasting. When we arrived at the winery the host set us up at some tables built into the rock overlooking the ocean. The scenery looked like a painting of a remote island you could only ever dream of experiencing.

The sommelier placed three glasses in front of each of us with some fruit, cheese, and meat. She gave a brief description of each glass and ran off. The education on the process, the tasting notes, and what makes Greek wine special ultimately wavered me to lean into the tasting experience. As someone who worked for a wine company at the time, I came to at least appreciate the art that is wine-making. But we got none of that.

As soon as I took my first sip I questioned my intentions for showing up to the tasting. I knew this wine didn’t serve me. I pushed away my intuition and listened to the peer-pressuring monkey mind. While this may sound dramatic to some people, this is the feeling that creeps over you when you ignore your soul’s true desires. I felt a deep knowing that my chapter with alcohol closed and chose to ignore it.

I think I took a few more sips of the remaining wines but ultimately left most of the wine undrunken. At that moment, I knew I abandoned myself, and it was nobody’s fault but my own.

Betraying our inner knowing is the worst betrayal of all. We invalidate our intuition and our soul’s purpose when we do this. I don’t regret attending this wine tasting because it helped validate my decision to give up alcohol. If I didn’t want to drink Greek wine on a stunning cliffside on a fitness retreat in Santorini, where would I?

Why I gave up alcohol

I gave up alcohol for many reasons. I didn’t like how my mind raced and blurred while drinking. I could feel it poisoning my most precious asset.

I resented the effects it had on my body the day after. As someone who works hard to overcome Crohn’s and optimize my digestion, I could feel it tearing my intestinal tract apart.

I knew I used alcohol as a crutch in social situations. As an introvert, it allowed me to “let loose”, especially with strangers and those I wouldn’t otherwise break down my walls for. Over time, I realized this was a bad thing. I needed to work on being more comfortable in my own skin, or I shouldn’t open up to these people at all.

I shouldn’t need alcohol to bring out a different side of me. That is not me living in my truth.

I’m a firm believer that many people in today’s society use alcohol as a crutch for depression, shame, disappointment, insecurity, and a lack of purpose. Instead of facing these very difficult emotions head-on they chase temporary relief from their problems with alcohol.

While I don’t judge others for drinking (unless you’re an asshole when you drink), I do encourage others to think about why they drink. Do you enjoy the taste? Do you drink because others around you are drinking? Do you drink to take the edge off?

You may not spiritually be ready to answer these questions truthfully. That’s ok. But it’s another thing to further press yourself on. Why can’t you answer these questions truthfully?

Because “everyone drinks” people rarely stop to question it. Here in the Back to Our Roots community, we’ve learned to question everything we are told, alcohol being just one of those things. The more questions you ask, the more you discover the truth of what’s “normal” in today’s society. Without questioning, we will never discover our truth.

I don’t believe I’ll ever drink alcohol again, as long as I’m living in my truth. I’ll continue to get asked if I want a drink even though I’ve stated multiple times that I don’t drink. I’ll continue getting weird looks and burning “why’s?”.

I’m at a place where I can stand firm in my choice not to drink, no matter the social situation. I’ve finally learned to put my mind and body first, no matter the societal pressures.

What is your relationship with alcohol?

Have a beautiful Sunday,

Madison