We All Need to Lose More Often
We All Need to Lose More Often
Losing allows empathy, self-reflection, growth, and ultimately, WINNING
To experience a victory is to experience one of the best feelings in the world.
Whether that be experiencing a promotion, bringing home an animal after a long hunt, watching your first vegetable sprout in your garden, or winning first place in a sports tournament - Everyone loves to win and be recognized as the best in their pursuit of choice.
The problem with winning, at least in the case of our generation, is the unwillingness to label someone as “the loser”, or even 2nd place. We refuse to call last place how it is (not winning), leading to the demise of our mental and emotional growth as people.
Don’t get me wrong - I hate losing. But, we should all recognize the many positive character traits that losing allows us to develop.
Losing is humbling
When you are always dominating the competition, you begin to get cocky. That’s fine, a little self-confidence is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I myself like to walk around with a swagger when I’m feeling confident about something.
But, just remember to show humility. Even when confident. Experiencing losing helps us build empathy for those that are on the losing side when we are winning. Being humbled a few times by losing allows you to empathize with those you defeat because you’ve been there too.
Losing leads to self-reflection and improvement
If you’re always winning, you begin ignoring your weaknesses. Winning results in a tendency to celebrate, rather than evaluate your performance. You stop looking at why you won or the possible mistakes you made along the way. When that loss finally comes (and it ALWAYS will), it allows you to reflect on the reasons you lost and plan ways to improve on your weaknesses moving forward.
Winning also breeds complacency. Nowhere is this more evident than in professional sports, where you rarely see any team repeat as champions. As the old saying goes from one of bodybuilding’s greatest champions:
“The wolf on the hill is not as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
That’s to say, he or she that has won begins to feel secure on their throne as the King of the hill. They begin to ignore their weaknesses because, after all, they’re the champion for a reason right? All the while, there are many other teams vying to wear the crown that are hungrier than he or she who sits with it.
Although make no mistake, there is a difference between people who lose and losers.
Let’s continue to use professional sports as an example. Michael Jordan’s Chicago Bulls, Kobe Bryant’s Lakers, Derek Jeter’s New York Yankees, Tom Brady’s Patriots…all of these teams lost games of course. Some of them even lost championships. So why do we think of them as the greatest winners? Because when they lost, they learned and came back better. And when they won, they learned and came back better.
We all know losers in professional sports. They don’t learn from their mistakes and weaknesses, making them perennial bottom feeders of their respective leagues.
The lessons of losing are lost on losers. But to winners, no matter the outcome, there is an opportunity to grow and get better.
Don’t be afraid to lose
The fear of losing or failure stifles growth. It’s why I worry about our notorious “everybody gets a trophy” generation. We have people that are so afraid of losing, that they never try anything new, and are stuck as the same person they were a year ago, five years ago, or even ten years ago.
I imagine one of the worst hells is running into someone you haven’t seen in years and being in the exact same spot in life, while the other person completely turned their life around for the positive. This is what wasting your years looks like: not learning, not growing, and thus, not winning.
You often see this with people you knew in high school who were studs at their sport. They took the praise all those years ago and it went to their head, so much so that they probably never wanted to try something new. To them, they’d already reached the pinnacle. Little do they know everyone else has grown into new things while these washed-up jocks tell stories of the glory days.
Take Action: Do something you’ve avoided because of your fear of failure. Sign up for a class or course that scares you!
My experience losing
I recently did this, when I started training Jiu-Jitsu a couple of months ago, a sport that required me to let go of my fear of failure. In Jiu-Jitsu, you better check your ego and accept that you WILL get thrown around like a rag doll, no matter how tough you think you are.
Two months into training, I happened to be in New Jersey where the largest grappling competition on the East Coast was taking place. I thought, why not sign up and see what happens?
Of course, my very first match was against someone who clocks in at 6’6, 280 lbs. Yes, I know the beauty of Jiu-Jitsu is that a smaller person can beat a bigger and stronger person through skill. But in this case, he was bigger, stronger, AND more skilled! I competed anyway because I knew that no matter how the match went, I was going to be better for it.
I also challenge myself to lose every day when I go to the gym and pick up a weight I’ve never lifted before. If you’ve ever lifted weights and ACTUALLY challenged yourself, you’ve definitely failed with a weight on your back or on your chest.
I’ve been lifting for YEARS, and I was never able to deadlift 405 lbs. I failed too many times to count until one day - I deadlifted 425 lbs! If I would have taken the many failures at 405 lbs and let that fear of continued defeat paralyze me, I would have never felt the glory of hoisting 425 lbs off the ground. Next on my list is a 500 lb deadlift. I already know I will fail many times, but I’m going to show up and do it anyway.
I give the above examples to show that it can literally be anything, whatever gets you excited to try. Start that new hobby, talk to a stranger, go to the networking event, whatever your pursuit is - throw caution to the wind, and push yourself to new heights.
I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
- Michael Jordan
If you have someone in your life who would benefit from learning the importance of losing, feel free to share this email with them.
Have a great rest of your weekend!
Sebastian